Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Everything is easily explainable in life except Life itself

Life throwing curve balls is not anything unexpected, right? But I have realized that no matter how rational and prepared you are, when things go bad around you, rationalizing takes the first flight. She is a person that has been there in my life always, someone that nurtured me, loved me, corrected me and cheered me on for every small step I took. I took her for granted and assumed it will be like that forever. Why is there a gut wrenching pain when someone that was the very backdrop of your life is taking another step closer to the Lord? Why does it render you completely non-functional when someone that gave birth to you and took care of you always and loved you more than everything else in this World is becoming a child herself in old age as though completing that circle of life is important?

Nammamma is in the hospital, she is unable to speak coherently to any of us, after biting my nails for 48 hours, I took the flight and landed here yesterday. Looking at her on her hospital bed, in a night gown she never wore in her life, I can't make any sense of it at all, I feel like we are the adults in her life now. For someone, who deftly managed things and took decisions, it feels like she has left it all in the hands of her children.  My always strong mentally & physically nammamma seems to be slipping in and out of consciousness. It hurts so badly I can hardly breathe. I am glad she smiled a little this morning, asked after everyone in the family. For that we are all grateful, small little things that brighten up the day.

I hold her frail hands, tell her we are all here for her, beg her to stay with us bravely fighting the odds as she has done since my father passed - she sometimes nods and says that she will be alright. Just a month back when we called to wish her a Happy Birthday' she said, "One thing I am very proud of in life is my children and my husband. They all loved me, took care of me and respected me so much that I never missed anything". I fervently hope that is what she remembers all the time as she drifts in and out.

Keep us in your prayers, Sattvaa will be on a hiatus until I can put words around my recipes and weave stories around my blog posts. I will definitely come back at some point as I have loads of recipes that I want to post about, many stories I want to share.

12 comments:

prathibha Garre said...

I wish your mom a speedy recovery...she would be definitely alright..

Kaveri Venkatesh said...

Will Pray for nammamma...

Priya said...

Can feel your pain dear, my prayers are with you.

NamsVeni Pothas said...

life is always with ups and downs.dear ! we are always with you and all the Sattvaa family members pray and wish Amma's fast recovery. be brave and bold.
now you are mother and Amma is your small little baby.

Hanagavadi said...

Hello Nagashree,

Reading your post today gave me goosebumps....I can only imagine the pain you are going through. Hope you stay strong to deal with the situation at hand, and hope your mother recovers to see healthier, happier days ahead.
Keeping your mother, you and your family in my prayers...
Love,
Alamelu

Kannada Cuisine said...

God be with you all and wishing a very speedy recovery to your mom.

Anonymous said...

God be with your amma and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Aparna Heroor said...

Sending you positive thoughts, and prayers. HUGS!

phanisyamala said...

Very pathetic of a mother not only yours but ours once.We treated her like a child with whole hearted gratitude for the service she did while we were infants.We wish your mother a speedy recovery.

ramana said...

Very sad to hear about your mother. We wish her speedy recovery. Be brave. Our wishes are with you.
Pappinni&Babai

Radhika @ Just Homemade said...

Wish your Amma a speedy recovery. And strength to you in these tough times.. Mom's are precious. We start to fully realize that only when we become one..
Stay strong Nagashree.. The blog can wait..

Vani said...

How is your mom doing, N? And how are you? Take care and God bless.